Tools ·
what the crew practices on Monday nightson Wednesday nights
In the crew’s own words
“If your friend is coughing in the hall, you say, ‘Hey, I’ve got a cough drop, want one?’ Same with anxiety. If a friend says their anxiety is off the charts, you can hand them a cough drop: ‘I’ve got a couple of really good tools for that. Can I listen for a minute?’”
Amy Mays
- Most MondaysMost WednesdaysOne new tool
- In your groupYou practice it together
- The next dayYou try it at school
Use it yourself, hand it to a friend, or take it home.
Seven tools to start with.
A new one most weeks · this season’s list
This season · Monday, Sept 28Middle Crew · asking Amy
Listen to hear, not to respond.
- Listen. Not to build your answer, but to learn.
- Reflect it back. “Okay, I’m hearing you say ___. Am I getting it right?”
- Wait for the yes. You’ll see something change in their face.
- Then ask a follow-up, or open the door wider.
“Am I getting it right?”
Try it anytime
Breathing room between your thoughts and your feelings.
- Breathe deep. Notice what you see, hear and feel.
- Change the words. Not “I am anxious,” but “I am having anxious feelings.”
- Let the other thoughts float past, like leaves on the lake.
“I am having anxious feelings.”
Try it anytime
A thought is not a fact, and it is not a command.
- Catch the spiral. What if, what if, what if.
- Notice that none of it is happening right now.
- Ask what you can do right now, where your feet are. Then do that one thing.
“Be where your feet are.”
This season · Monday, Oct 19Middle Crew · asking Amy
Reflect. Respond. Rest. In that order.
- Reflect. What do you want to say, and how do you want to say it?
- Respond, with your heart and your integrity intact.
- Rest. There’s nothing to replay.
“Reflect. Respond. Rest. Not respond, reflect, regret.”
This season · Monday, Oct 26Middle Crew · asking Amy
The goal is connection, not winning.
- Agree out loud on the outcome you both want.
- Own your pieces first.
- Leave room for them to own theirs.
“What outcome do we both want?”
This season · Monday, Dec 7Middle Crew · asking Amy
Zoom out from the moment.
- Put your hands over your face. That’s a hard moment from the inside.
- Drop them an inch. What can you see now?
- Six inches, then all the way down. The whole picture.
“Drop your hands an inch.”
This season · Monday, Feb 1Middle Crew · asking Amy
Own your feelings. Start with “I,” not “you.”
- Say what you think, feel and want. “I feel…”
- Skip “you always” and “you never.” They put walls up.
- Leave space for them to do the same.
“It’s hard to argue with ‘I feel.’”
Ask them straight.
“Are you thinking about suicide?”
Don’t worry about putting it out there. Your friend needs to know you will listen and help.Amy Mays
- 1If they’re in danger right now, call 911. Stay with them, in person or on the phone, until help comes.
- 2Ask it plainly. Asking won’t put the idea there. It tells them you’ll listen.
- 3Listen. Let them say it. You don’t need the right words, and you don’t have to fix it.
- 4Call or text 988 together, any hour. If they won’t, call or text 988 yourself. Either way, stay with them.
- 5Don’t keep it a secret, even if they ask you to. Tell an adult right away: a parent, a school counselor, Amy.
Five videos from Amy and the crew.
About 55 minutes in all · start anywhere
01 · What Happy Crew is · 8:57
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If you or a friend is thinking about suicide, call or text 988, or text TALK to 741741, any hour. Get help now →
Pick one and try it this week
Practice one with us on Monday.Practice one with us on Wednesday.
MondaysWednesdays, 7–8 PM, upstairs at Happy Crew Coffee House. Free, and dinner’s on us.